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Nature's Mother

Any tips on toddler tantrums?

My little one has taken to screeching and sometimes even throwing herself on the ground Shocked  when she doesn't get her way.  I know the advice is to ignore them, but this is easier said then done...any other tips?
Jolanky

You wait till you see Isabel next. She has developed a low level whine that she continues with until she gets what she wants. If she doesn't she moves it up a gear to a full blown paddy. Oh, the joys! I am sure I'm not doing the right thing and she will be spoilt and I will only have myself to blame!  Laughing
Nature's Mother

Erin's stopped throwing herself on the ground & started banging her head against things instead...oh joy!  Laughing   She also throws things with passion when she's angry...really hard not to laugh!

We're not sure whether to tell her to "stop" or whether to just pretend it's not happening...it's a bit worrying when it's a hard granite floor or something!

She hardly had tantrums when camping in Spain though...perhaps it was cos she had our full attention most of the time.  She's gone really mommyish now though. poor thing, it must all be quite confusing.
michellejaneholmes

I agree.  A toddler has all these feelings and emotions to deal with and they don't know where they come from, nor do they understand how to deal with them.  Bless... it is very confusing for them!

When Tate has a hissy fit I will leave him to it for a little while (unless he is doing something that could hurt him or someone else) and then I ask really calmly and with a loving intention "do you need a hug?" to which he will normally shout "NO!" several times.  Then eventually he will say yes and come and have a cuddle.

We've got to the point now where I can recognise what is about to happen and I will ask him how he is feeling and he'll tell me "I'm very moody mummy" and I'll ask him why... this GENERALLY leads to a dialogue of some kind which ends in a hug OR I offer him some pillows to beat up which ends up with us both laughing!  We also do things like go outside and stomp up and down the garden to release the anger or an earthbreath.  He has also started doing a heart release with me lately but it needs to be outdoors to work for him.  This is just a nice big inhale and then a big outbreath saying "Ah" and visualising it coming out of your heart chakra.

I find these things really help.

My rule of thumb is that for every negative there must be three positives so if he's having a tantrum and a hard time or if he needs to be told off and put on the Time Out step for 2 minutes after that I will make a point of watching him closely and praising him for being so tidy, so thoughtful, so loving, so kind, such a clever boy or whatever.  

Also with telling off - I tend to take the approach of " that is really unacceptable because it hurts my feelings/makes me feel sad etc" instead of what I called a telling off when I was a child.  I'll also add "That isn't like you at all, you are such a lovely boy/kind person/good boy/your'e so much better than that" etc

Oooh I've gone off a a tangent!

Generally the best rule of thumb when they are freaking out is to take a deeeeeep breath and try to radiate love.  It makes me so sad when I'm in a supermarket or something and I see a toddler have a tantrum... and then the parent starts screaming at them thereby raising the energy intensity that the little one has to deal with and it escalates and escalates until someone ends up crying themselves into exhaustion.

They can't deal with all these emotions on their own - they need us to help them... to show them how to deal with their feelings effectively so by being totally calm and loving towards them you neutralise the negative charge in the situation and they find the foundation to calm back down.

But it sounds like you guys already know this stuff!  I'm just a wee bit passionate about conscious parenting as you might be able to tell!

:0)  Keep it up ladies. xxxxxxx
Jolanky

not sure why I am only just reading your post now Michelle but thanks for the advice. Really lovely advice! I shall try and remember it all when it counts. Love the idea of allowing Isabel to let out her anger on a nice soft object especially when she gets old enough for me to explain this to her. At the moment I have just been allowing her to have a good scream if she needs it and calmly telling her that I understand that she is angry and she can be angry for a bit if she needs to be. Not sure If she understands completely but it seems to work for now. This approach gets some very funny looks off people when we are out!  Laughing

It's such a tricky time. I just desperately want to get it right for Isabel. So thanks again
solands23

discipline

Nature's Mother wrote:
Erin's stopped throwing herself on the ground & started banging her head against things instead...oh joy!  Laughing   She also throws things with passion when she's angry...really hard not to laugh!

We're not sure whether to tell her to "stop" or whether to just pretend it's not happening...it's a bit worrying when it's a hard granite floor or something!

She hardly had tantrums when camping in Spain though...perhaps it was cos she had our full attention most of the time.  She's gone really mommyish now though. poor thing, it must all be quite confusing.


Ignore her whining and she will eventually stop.  Don't let her get what she wants because she will carry that attitude as she grows old.  Better show her tough love and discipline her as early as now, just like the  parenting tips I've read at procustomwriting, which are pretty interesting to read.

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